Rejection
Leads us to surrender
I’ve been unemployed for 7 months now. At first it was my choice (highly wouldn’t recommend) but now I’m at the mercy of a shifty economy, layoffs, a tech slowdown and to make matters voice I’m trying to pivot into a different industry. I repeat, I highly don’t recommend.
I just went through three rounds of interviews for a global business development manager position for the #5 ranked law firm in the U.S. I was denied this morning. F**** awesome. I’ve applied to ~40 positions in the last 5 months. I’ve written ~30 cover letters. It is not fun if you were wondering. I am not someone who enjoys the freedom that comes with unemployment, my self satisfaction and worth is highly correlated with my professional pursuits for better or worse. I am officially done with the groundhog day I’ve been living the past 7 months.
Rejection is very hard. It makes you feel small. It causes you to question yourself. We’ve all been there at certain moments in our life. Maybe you’re experiencing it now as well, I feel for you. Rejection has levels. Some rejection is a minor setback other times it’s a heartbreaking loss. It’s never easy, but no one promised this life would be easy. I think it’s easy to look at people’s lives or their social media and think everyone is doing great. Well, of course. We sure as hell aren’t turning to Instagram to alert everyone that we just got broken up with, we just failed a test, we missed the cut for the team, we messed up the work product, or we lost the job.
In a way, I think rejection has stages similar to grief. There is the initial frustration, questioning, self pity, downright anger, sadness, and finally surrender which leads to either resilience or giving up. I want to give up. I’m tired of this but I can’t so I choose resilience. I encourage you to do the same. To not be crushed by the feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and hopelessness.
Today has been hard and I’ve had to dig deep to see what this all means for me. I’ve been praying for an answer and while it’s not the one I want, it’s a very clear answer. In early October, I started a daily gratitude practice. I set a reminder on my phone to go off every day at 3pm that says “Practice of Gratitude” and I say three things that I’m grateful for in that specific day. Some days it’s really easy, on a day like today I struggle to find something to say. Today it was worship music, exercise and makeup. Nothing revolutionary but it’s the truth.
My personal prayer the last few months has been to completely surrender to God’s path for my life. A prayer I often pray for people who don’t have a faith, or have walked away from the faith, is for God to bring them to their knees so they have no choice but to surrender and know that God will rebuild them according to his perfect plan. It’s harsh but I truly believe that’s what people need sometimes. Ironically, I think the last four years of my life have been exactly that moment because today I was on my knees crying out to God to rebuild me according to His plan despite my own desires or wishes. Surrender.
I don’t magically feel better. I’m still lost but I have no choice, despite my feeling of helplessness, to believe that He will be faithful. I think there are a lot of takeaways from this, here are a few:
Enjoy the journey, learn to appreciate the hard
Resilience is key
If you’re trying to go it alone, you won’t get far
Listen to that inner voice
Envy is the thief of joy
Run your own race
The bad gives you a profound appreciation of the good
I was feeling a bit hopeless on Tuesday morning. I’d expected to hear about the job decisions and hadn’t yet so I prayed for encouragement. Then I forced myself to exercise to lift my mood and decided on a Peloton 30 minute HIIT & Hills ride with Tunde. I usually don’t ride with this instructor because the rides are too damn hard but I took on the challenge. Throughout the workout she recounted her experience of running the NYC marathon a few weeks prior and how the race was a major parallel to the struggles of life. She explained the following thought process, “why are you running this, why are you working so hard, there’s no cash prize or great recognition, you are simply doing it because YOU CAN.” And continued recounting during the race she looked over at the man running next to her who was wearing a shirt that said “BLIND” and next to him was his guide, running connected by a rope. She looked at him and thought to herself that he is running this race, his race, at his pace, simply because HE CAN. Tunde gave the challenge to look at our week ahead and choose to show up this week simply because WE CAN.
We all are in this life doing the hard things simply because WE CAN.
Recs of the Week:
Book: Home Front - Kristin Hannah
Article: At 40, J.Crew Shakes Off a Midlife Crisis - NY Times
Music: You Know My Name - Housefires
Podcast: The Prof G Pod: Behaviors that Influence Our Money Decisions and Habits
Fashion: Wrong Shoe Theory - Wearing an edgy or less predictable shoe with your outfit makes it look more interesting. Stylist Allison Bornstein coined the theory and has helpful videos explaining in more detail on her Instagram (@allisonbornstein6).
Beauty: La Roche Posay - Double Repair Face Moisturizer
Hack: If you use a retinol but also struggle with dry skin my dermatologist recommends “sandwiching” your retinol with moisturizer. Nighttime face routine: facewash, double repair moisturizer (linked above), retinol (Skinmedica), triple repair cream